I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
