May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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