i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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