True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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