I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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