my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
