When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
