my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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