I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
