last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
