If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
