$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
