this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
