I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I came so hard my ears popped.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
