I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize