my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
