that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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