Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
