I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
