I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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