I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
