Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
