I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
