Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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