saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
