Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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