instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
