8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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