We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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