Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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