I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
