The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
