How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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