you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
