guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
