dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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