I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
