I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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