go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
