White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
