...so i touched it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
