She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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