I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
