Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
