Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
