So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
