He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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