im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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