Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
