New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
