i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
