And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
