So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
