If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
