Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
