but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
