when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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