Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
