You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
