I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
