i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
