My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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