He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
