Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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