Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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