i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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