Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
