we should wear snuggies to the strip club
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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