I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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