I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
