Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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