Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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