I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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