Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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