I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
