I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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