For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
