i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
