I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
