after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
